The pissed off moose

Im so sick of being lied to. Im sick of being treated like a mug and worse by this woman who thinks its ok to just string me along and play games with my head and my heart.

Yeah i know people are gonna say i allow it by continuing to give her opportunities to do it. I want to stop this shit. Ive blocked deleted unblocked re-added so many times its beginning to make me ill.

If you love someone you dont constantly lie to them, you dont cheat on them either and you sure as there is a hole in my arse get yourself pregnant with another mans baby then tell your ex about it ffs.

So my wonderful ex has now announced her pregnancy on facebook yet probably hasnt told anyone she still tells me she loves me, no one knows i was back home for weeks in september/october and that she cheated on me nor do they know about the day we spent together when she was so drunk the landlady at pub refused to serve her anymore and i had to carry her over my shoulders to the car ffs

The lies and miss information have turned people against me because she portrays herself as a nice person. She used to be nice now shes just a nasty vile piece of work.

Deflect all you want, lie all you want because one thing is sure. You will not destroy me. I will not allow myself to go back into depression over you. The truth will always come out and i was sober throughout you were not.

But this ironically will turn out to be the best thing to happen for me because now i have had to open my eyes. I may not be the best looking, the slimmest, have no savings etc but i will find someone who treats me the way i deserve. I used to think you were too good for me! Think its the other way round because if i loved someone i wouldnt ever do the things you’ve done.

Having bipolar is not an excuse to act like a cunt and ruin peoples lives but i will take this opportunity to thank you. Thank you for showing me what a lucky escape i just had. Thank you for making that switch from love to hate possible and thank you for finally making me see you the way all my real friends have for years. Spot on is all i will say.

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The Depressed Moose and My Return

There was a time when my old persona saved my life, and that of others too. Writing about my battle with depression, sharing it with so many people and ultimately becoming a mental health campaigner and someone who was “known” in that social media world – or #famoose if you would prefer is still something that fills me with an enormous sense of pride and happiness. It was a time in my life where I made a difference to others, inspired others, helped others and achieved things that were beyond my expectations all despite being depressed.

My blog was successful in terms of numbers, I was asked multiple times to write pieces for the press and even had my face on material for Mind. It is a period of my life that I am incredibly proud of. I turned readers of my blog into amazing friends who are still with me to this day.

I walked away from that world, gave up writing completely and moved on with my life depression free and happy again. I met and fell in love with an amazing woman and the future looked bright.

Life doesn’t always work the way we plan and dream about and after 3 and a half years the amazing woman has become a stranger. The relationship broke down my heart broke and my world was turned upside down. The reasons behind it no longer matter she has her truth, I have my truth and life goes on.

I rebuilt from a failed marriage, a suicide attempt and years of depression, I will rebuild again from a toxic relationship and emerge stronger, happier and a better person once more. I fought to save a relationship that ultimately was toxic, abusive and would have eventually destroyed my confidence, self esteem and isolated me from everyone who cared about me. Fought against the advice of friends and family because I refused to listen and see what was really happening.

Eventually we reach a point where we have had enough and realise our own value and worth. My limits were breached time and time again because I was beginning to believe I deserved it. Regardless of this and who is to blame I am at that stage whereby I’ve got over it. I deserve faithfulness, respect and honesty and wont accept less.

So where does this leave me? For starters I’m a worker moose now! For 5 years I was unable to work but I have been in the same job now for 18 months. Despite the negatives of the relationship it did help me in many ways, my depression has been gone for years and Im able to work daily without sickness leave or mental health worries and those positives are the ones I will take away from it.

I was unable to be “moose” but now I can return to my online persona as well as maintaining Garry and my mental health is always under control.

From the confines of the spare room at my mums at the age of 39 I will rebuild and find love, happiness and be someone who helps, inspires and makes a difference once again.

The Happy Moose

Recovery from a break up is hard going and emotionally draining. It requires a painful mixture of self reflection, acceptance, acknowledgement and letting go of love and dreams. There is no time line when it comes to healing and certainly no handbook on dealing with the issues and potential baggage that can follow you around afterwards.

If you have a scab and keep picking at it the wound remains open and takes longer to heal each time. I guess I’ve been a scab picker for a few months almost letting it heal then reopening the wound. Its almost sado masochistic in the sense that i was encouraging myself to feel pain.

Eventually i found myself enjoying the pain less and less finding the whole scab picking tedious and detrimental to my life and as im a cold hearted bastard i knew id reach a point of shutting down and switching off my feelings.

Im often told im a negative person “glass half empty” kind of person and by nature have a miserable looking face, I dispute that last one to be honest its not a miserable face its the weight of my chins pulling my smile down into a frown….but thats a different story

I made a conscious effort to be positive and happy. To stop putting myself in a position of vulnerability and hurt and take back whats mine. My self respect, my dignity and my life.

I feel like a new me, a happier me again. Like the Garry of old before I was worn down and stopped ignoring myself and looking after myself.

I am a good person, I have a great sense of humour a warm personality and many other good qualities. Sure I fuck up at all times but show me a human who doesnt get it wrong and I’ll show you a liar.

Im ready to start living in the now and not the past, make plans with friends meet someone new eventually and never look back again. No baggage, no hang ups and no letting my limitations and expectations being dropped.

Im happy again and no matter what gets thrown my way im gonna keep smiling, laughing and joking.

Singers Sing Dancers Dance

And writers write!

I’m a writer and I love feeling creative and believe I have a talent for writing. I get a buzz from sharing my writing and being confident enough in my ability to write and make it interesting and engaging for you the reader.

Having taken time out for a few weeks and dealing with other shit in my life I can feel my creative juices flowing again and feel ready to start blogging again.

I wont talk about the past 6 months its a period of time that I have processed and consigned to the history books. I’ve accepted my faults and my failings, my share of the blame and now its gone. No more feelings no more anger no more pain no emotion at all about whats happened.

Right now I’m in a good place and feel happy. Im not gonna stop doing what I enjoy and I’m going to unshackle myself from negativity and focus on myself only.

I am lucky enough to have some very good friends who haven’t turned their backs on me but encourage, listen and advise in equal measure and i know they will be happy to see me writing again.

Today im free, happy and positive and I intend to stay that way. Im changing my habitual negativity and reinforcing all the good in my life.

Lets see what the dating world has to offer. Lets see how I do with reconnecting with lost friends and more importantly lets see how this new mindset changes my life for the better.

Back to basics

I used to be a blogger years ago. I used to be someone in this little corner of the internet. I was known as the depressed moose and my blog was pretty successful. I still have books on Amazon but alas i forgot to renew the old domain and its been bought by a company in the far east.

The depression has gone but the Moose still remains

Having just come out of a long term relationship that did not end well and not as planned I have decided to return to an outlet that has helped me immensely over the years. I have lots of things to talk about and get off my chest. Today 29th November is my 39th birthday so we could enjoy a midlife crisis together or a year of healing from a broken relationship. The truth is right now anything could come out but I promise you this. It will be honest, emotional, heartfelt, raw, funny and interesting.

So Hi my name is Garry or Moose. Welcome along for the ride!